i was born a porn star she said
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Randomize