I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Randomize
