i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Randomize
