This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
