im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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