Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
you traded sex for a burrito?
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
i want to swaddle you in tequila
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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