I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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