What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
