Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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