you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
