Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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