Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
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