You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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