my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
