Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
