Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
