you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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