apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
