we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
