Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
