I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
