Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
