Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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