i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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