4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
