i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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