I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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