i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I want her autograph on my taint
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
