Where is the hickey?
I smell stomach acid.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
