Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
The power of my boobs compel you
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
