Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Boobs speak an international language.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
