He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
