What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Randomize
