omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
