ya dads aren't the best wingmen
She is in my trunk
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
