she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
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