Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Randomize
