im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
