i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Randomize
