Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
