Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
