i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize