you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
