I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
