Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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