Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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