It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
