That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
