I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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