Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize