My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
