You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
