I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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