If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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