life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
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