Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
