Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Randomize
