belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize
