I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
he fucked my hip out of place.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
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