i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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