goodnight i made you a song goodbye
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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