forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
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