Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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