i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
