I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
