im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
