Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
