So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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