I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
