and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
