Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
