I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
