I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize