Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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