I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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