some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize