Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Randomize
