this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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