my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
