i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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