Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
