well I can't set my house on fire every night
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
