Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Randomize
