she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I just found puke in my bra..
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
