i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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