I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Randomize