I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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