im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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