I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
