i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
