But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
