i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
