i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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