you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
she peed on how many people?
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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